I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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