Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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