he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So apparently I’m into choking now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize