from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your dad touched me again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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