garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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