isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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