You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
