Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
