i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
4 words: hood of his car
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
