just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
