Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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