Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
