White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
