I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
