I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
