Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
