so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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