All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
