The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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