The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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