so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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