Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
