She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
