No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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