Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
