and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
