Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
