Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
