I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just pee around me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
