You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
