i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
