I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
