I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize