this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
