You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
