I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
