i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
