His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
