when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
