areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
