I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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