so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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