Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize