the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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