dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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