he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
