Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
