I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
