This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
