how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
