I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
