So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize