i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
