i may or may not be watching the land before time
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize