how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
