If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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