The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
