dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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