Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
