I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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