He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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