i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
