I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
