i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He felt like a one man threesome
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
