dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
